The Human Species - Copyrighted Trademark Lucario?

Who's that guy with the Aura Sphere?
Come on, let's hear it, give it a cheer!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

He's really strong, but not too proud!
He'll kick you in the nutsack, for crying out loud!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

You are cool, and so are we!
Watch our show and cool you'll be!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The show starts with a shadow running through a forest. The shadow belongs to the protagonist, Lonesome Wanderer Lucario, who has chosen to run through the densely grown forest in favor of the road that lies just beside him. He has no problem running at maximum speed despite all the roots and trees in his way, and the lackluster animation causes the same set of trees to pass by him at least three times before the angle switches.

"BWA-HA-HA-HAAA!" a loud voice echoes from somewhere, "How predictable! You have fallen into my trap!"

Spinning around, Lucario sees an intimidating figure floating above the road he had been running next to all this time, shrouded in the sudden darkness of the previously bright forest.

"How devious! As expected from the evil Dusknoir!" Lucario exclaims in the direction of the audience, "What manner of trap have you placed me in!? I see nothing but trees all around!"

"Do you, now?" Dusknoir snickers while pointing to his right, "Look closer!"

Twisting his head, Lucario gasps as he sees a large building sticking out from above the treetops, a lavish construction with several towers.

"A fortress!?" Lucario says with amazement while overacting just a little, "Out here!?"

"I told Joe the Carpenter to erect a big one as soon as I heard you were coming!" Dusknoir continues laughing, as a man shows himself from behind a bush. He is fairly old and wearing a carpenter's uniform covered in soot and dust.

"Uh, yeah," Joe the Carpenter mumbles with a light cough, "Any chance of me getting paid for my work this time?"

"You know the contents of our contract," Dusknoir responds with a serious tone as he suddenly lowers his voice, "You only get paid if the construction still stands by the end of the day."

"Uh…" Joe the Carpenter mutters before looking in Lucario's direction with pleading eyes, "Hey, Lucario, could you NOT destroy my piece of work, this time? My kid's been reduced to peeling the skin of berries and eating them, selling the good parts to other, less miserable kids."

"Silence, villain!" Lucario snaps back while pointing at him, "You should know that crime doesn't pay!"

"Oh, it pays… YOU! A VISIT!" Dusknoir shouts while displaying the astounding wit of the writers of the show, "Prepare yourself, Lucario! I have a surprise waiting for you! Come out, my UnInts!"

Throwing his arms out, three figures suddenly appears beside Dusknoir. One was a tall insect with long arms and a red shell. The other was a round and short sumo with yellow skin and black gloves. The third was Joe the Carpenter.

"Kricketune, the Unintelligible!" Dusknoir shouts, signaling to his right.

The red insect moves forward.

"Je suis enchanté, compadre!" he says with a very peculiar dialect while clicking his mustache-like mandibles together like castanets, "Ko no niño wa sugoi, mon cheri!"

"Makuhita, the Unintelligent!" Dusknoir yells, signaling to his left.

The yellow sumo starts to stagger around for no reason.

"Ugh. Um, duh…" he grumbles with a voice like a base, "Imma beat you like mah gramps beat me... LOTS!"

"And finally… Gorulk, the Uninterested!" Dusknoir screams, signaling to his right again.

Joe the Carpenter looks around, before reluctantly taking a step forward.

"Sir, he's not here," he says slowly, "He's staying home today."

"WHAT!?" Dusknoir bursts out with pure rage, "You let that FOOL remember who crafted him out of the distant detachments of aloof impassiveness!"

"I did," Joe the Carpenter mutters while shrugging, "He didn't care."

"In that case, YOU shall take his place!" Dusknoir says determinately before turning towards Joe the Carpenter and placing his arms on his shoulders, "Rise – Joe, the Uninterested!"

Joe the Uninterested tried to shrug in response, but his shoulders were being held down by Dusknoir.

"And so, the UnInts have assembled!" Dusknoir growls as he suddenly turns back to face Lucario, "Tremble, Lonesome Wanderer Lucario! Do you think you stand a chance!?"

"Out of our 75 encounters, I have defeated them every time, including that time when you transformed me into a finless Magikarp," Lucario replies quickly and confidently, "So… Yeah. I'm SO gonna win."

"Rather COCKY, aren't we!?" Dusknoir snaps at him, "Kricketune, the Unintelligible, attack! The rest of you, do absolutely nothing and stand and watch while they battle!"

"Busenkelt, coño!" the insect chimes, pulling a rose out of nowhere and sticking it in his mouth. Then, he rushes up to Lucario and takes a swing at him.

"UGH!" Lucario groans from the unexpected attack, narrowly dodging it as he stumbles back. The insect continues to attack as Lucario avoids every attack without problem, the insect's rose appearing and disappearing between shots as the animators were unable to keep anything detailed in mind.

Suddenly, Lucario leaps back.

"AAAAAAAAUUUURAAAAAAA," Lucario bellows in a drawn out attack animation, "SSSSPHEEEEEREEEEE!"

A very familiar animation appears as CGI swirls around the Lucario's body, culminating in a sphere of bluish fire, flying directly into the screen with The Unintelligible nowhere in sight. The next shot, the poor Kricketune is lying on the ground, his body blackened from the attack that had somehow hit him.

"Watch the power of aura!" Lucario says with a sardonic smile, the voice clip recycled from a previous episode.

"Watch the power of POWER!" Dusknoir replies with his amazing wit, "Makuhita the Unintelligent, ATTACK!"

"Uh, duh?" the Makuhita says. He then rushes up to Lucario and nearly punches him in the face.

"You know, that's the 714th swing you've taken at me, and the 714th time you've missed, including that time I was shrunk down to microscopic size," Lucario replies with a snicker as he sidesteps, "Just saying, maybe you should rethink your strategy?"

"THINK!?" the Makuhita yells with anger, steam coming out where his ears should be, "I HATE THAT!"

"Ha ha, you fool!" Dusknoir laughs menacingly, "Pointing out his stupidity only makes him dumber!

The sumo continues to attack as Lucario avoids the next set of attacks without problem, a single shade of yellow covering the sumo's normally nuanced body in order to save the animators work when coloring. Lucario stops himself for a moment as he yawns and taps the forehead of his opponent, the Makuhita becoming even more enraged by this.

Suddenly, Lucario leaps back.

"AAAAAAAAUUUURAAAAAAA," Lucario bellows in yet another drawn out attack animation, "SSSSPHEEEEEREEEEE!"

A very familiar animation appears as CGI swirls around the Lucario's body, culminating in a sphere of bluish fire, flying directly into the screen with The Unintelligent nowhere in sight. The next shot, the poor Makuhita is lying on the ground, his body blackened from the attack that had somehow hit him.

"Watch the power of aura!" Lucario says with a sardonic smile, the voice clip recycled from a previous episode.

"See, I told you that promoting a mentally challenged person to second-in-command was a bad idea," Joe the Uninterested says while sighing.

"SILENCE!" Dusknoir yells, "You are now Joe the Uninterested! Act the part!"

"Believe me, I wish I could…" Joe the Uninterested says as he looks back at the large tower behind him, "But if that fortress crumbles, so will my hopes and dreams."

Joe the Uninterested suddenly swallows hard and takes a step forward.

"For the sake my son… While there's still a breath in my body…!" Joe the Uninterested says while clenching his fists with determination he never knew he had, the laughter of his only child passing through his mind, "… You shall not pass, Lucario!"

"Oh yeah?" Lucario asks before charging up another attack, "Too bad, 'cause the episode's running short and I still haven't used the AAAAAAAUUUUURAAAAAAAA STOOOOOOOOOOOORM!"

An attack animation very similar to that of the aura sphere appears, only that it ends with the aura around Lucario not forming into a ball, but simply exploding from all around him. At the end of it, Joe the Uninterested is lying on the ground, a new sheen of coal surrounding him.

"Incompetent fools!" Dusknoir screams with an angry huff, "Looks like I'll have to handle this myself!"

The scenery explodes into a mist of blackness as Dusknoir's stomach opens up to reveal a second mouth.

"UNLIMITED POWER!" Dusknoir yells in unison with his second mouth, "WHAT NOW!? PREPARE TO FACE THE UNTOLD WRATH OF-"

Slowly bending over, Lucario picks up a small rock from the ground and throws it at him.

"Ow. Curses!" Dusknoir growls while closing the second mouth and starting to float away, "Retreat! I'll get you next time, Lonesome Wanderer Lucario!"

"Retreat…? But… That means… Our beautiful fortress still stands…" Joe the Uninterested whispers to himself, just barely keeping his consciousness intact as tears start to run down his face, "Finally, I am allowed to look my kid in the eye and not see disappointment…! I do not have to witness his life ebbing away with our every failure…! Perhaps when his severe illness has settled down with the medicine I will purchase, he will even smile and call me 'Father'-"

"AAAAAAAUUUUURAAAAAAAA STOOOOOOOOOOOORM!" Lucario shouts, the fortress in the background exploding into a thousand pieces. From far away, Dusknoir curses.

"Why… Why…!?" Joe the Uninterested weeps, his mind in shambles, "It… It wasn't even in your way…!"

"You should know…" Lucario says as he looks down at Joe the Uninterested, deciding to end on a rhyme, "… Crime doesn't pay!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Who's that guy with the Aura Sphere?
Come on, let's hear it, give it a cheer!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

He's really strong, but not too proud!
He'll kick you in the nutsack, for crying out loud!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

You are cool, and so are we!
Watch our show and cool you'll be!
Lonesome Wanderer LUCARIO!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lucario woke up, gasping for air. It took him a moment to realize that he had been dreaming, and quickly looked down at himself before sighing out in relief. For the first time he was happy to see that he was in fact a Lucario, which while not all too pleasing of a concept was at the very least a step up from being a sloppily drawn cartoon version of one.

He looked to his side and saw Zerobi sleeping on the grassy soil next to him. He wondered if maybe she would know.

"Zerobi…!" he whispered while poking her in the side, "Hey, Zerobi…!"

"Mmm…" Zerobi moaned with a tired voice as she stirred, "… What…?"

"Did… Did you ever watch a show called 'Lonesome Wanderer Lucario'?" Lucario asked worriedly.

"Uh… No…" Zerobi mumbled, never having watched TV in her life, "I think I read 'bout it… Why?"

"Just… You know…" Lucario continued while still feeling like he was dreaming, "… Was it any good? It wasn't just some kind of cheap-ass no-effort shit by a bunch of hacks trying to make some quick dough out of stupid kids, right?"

"… I dunno… Who cares…?" Zerobi groaned with an exasperated tone before lying down and turning her head away, "C'mon, lemme sleep…"

Lucario continued sitting upright, thinking to himself for a few moments. Carefully, he let his body fall down to the ground once more.

"Just… Just a bad dream…" he repeated to himself and closed his eyes, "… Nothing else…"